Fidgets and Fairland

Oh joy in the land of nod, last week Jamie alerted me to "Cavalia" performing in Portland http://unrevedeliberte.cavalia.net/en/spectacle/apropos.aspx  and asked if I would be interested--  I almost fell off of my chaise when I saw the premise and the pics, oh my god of course lets go-- not thinking what the day before thanksgiving traffic between 12-6 pm might be on the 5 North....she said with traffic its not THAT bad even on Holidays...

But finally!  An event to attend that would warrant, nay, require that I dress up (in my mind), where I could wear something other than my bathrobe or thrift store horse riding mud clothes.  We purchased VIP seats very close which included our own VIP open bar lounge and hot hors d'oeuvres beginning 90 minutes before and after the show (so it would begin at 6:30) and included tour of the stables and to meet the performers both equine and human, and away from those slatternly commoners!

VIP open bar and buffet

So we were going to wear the base parts of our outfits in the car and to save time, assemble the rest of the finery in a loungey fancy bathroom ladies couch type area that I imagined such a ticket price would call for, (or even a heated indoor parking structure would suffice--this is how I imagined it with my ever-rose colored contacts.)  I brought all my jewelry, the fixings and wanted to dress like I was going to the Met or Lincoln center (but modified to be my rock, equine, thrift version) and attend fully the pre-party eating shrimp and sipping on champagne.  Well, 7 hours into a 3.5 hour drive we arrived at 7:20 and rushed to change in the rocky ice cold outdoor VIP parking lot. 

I pulled on my floor length black cowhide hair maxi skirt that weighs about 5 lbs, took off my pants underneath, and switched from rubber boots to my own version of punky equestrian footwear, changed handbags, ready!

floor length cowhide full skirt 5 lbs weight-- I dropped
 the belt for simplicity and handbag only for elegance

Dubya Dubya I soldier spats w nude Tsubo mary jane platforms

 Lurex thrift sweater w pseudo military equestrian jacket-
dumped that too-- over doing it.

Anyway, we figured we would start flowing over with tears the second the house lights went down -- so we pulled out our tissue packs and put them on our laps.  If you can believe it, never needed them.  First, the music was that awful generic blah I don't even know how to describe it, had no emotion, then it was the arrogance of some of those little french men with long thinning hair and lots of overgesticulating implying "TA DA!  LOOK AT ME!  I AM THE BEST LOOKING ONE IN THE TROUPE!"  Which he was, but that wasn't saying much.
The show was "good"-- I could have used more horses, fewer overly expressive french Canadian fidget acrobats filling time in between horse segments-- they were probably the group that did not make the cut for the Vegas Cirques.....there were a couple bobbles and one fall.

Even the horses had their bad nights, one of the stallions was acting up nipping and biting at his neighbor and in one of his solo acts in the ring, they had to add a girl in the center ring to keep control of him.

They did a drill pinwheel just like we practice on the ranch team and, uhhhhh, now that I know what its supposed to look like, we've got a long way to go.  Its not the speed, which we try to push, its the precision and matching horses and outfits.  soooo beautiful.

Pinwheel

Roman style riding segment was awesome, very rare, small segment of the horse trick world I hear. I like this shot  for the almost good panning job. I should have taken more pictures, I didn't realize they would come out this well without flash so I stopped.  Anyway, Jamie wanted more video of the horse segments that she can incorporate into our drill maneuvers.

Here's this wild redhead roman style

standing one leg on two horses with reigns on 4!!!! 

Afterwards Jamie sought this girl out backstage in the stables, she is so driven to do stuff like this that she just had to connect with this girl (Fairland Ferguson, she's all over the internet)-- which she did of course, she's a mover and a shaker. 

That firecracker redhead rider Fairland Ferguson showing us the special equipment
 for their trick riding-- turns out she's just a real friendly "Sowth Carolahna" gal

The troupe has time off --- almost the whole month of December, she said she just broke up with her boyfriend, yadda yadda, and without planning it the conversation turned to-- why don't you come to GP for a couple days-- out at our stables the people would just FLIP if you came out to do a demo or something, people would come from miles around--they would PAY.  I pipe in without thinking-- I have a nice guest bedroom you could stay in.  whaa?!  So Jamie is going to see if she can make it happen.

Good times, good times, but I would only go if it was "in your town"-- I don't think I would drive that far to see it if I was you.

 

Keeping up with the Equestrians

A certain friend of mine who shall remain nameless (Kara) says I keep telling her about all my fabulous equestrian getup's but she has not seen any photographic evidence of ONE yet.  So I better document each new outfit.

Turtleneck Ross $6.99
Thrift Wool blazer $2.50
Thrift Canvas military belt $2
Thrift Small plaid pattern pants chopped off with scissors at the knee $3
Suede Half Chaps $25
Thrift boots $5

Half chaps or "Chapettes" are hot!!!
I tried putting them over all kinds of shoes and sandals
and wedges and they give this futuristic
awesome bizarre super style look.  Get some girls.
 Jack the old cowboy called them "chinks" the other day,
western cowboys look down on such attire.

Tuco "Incidents"

Incident Report #506, Form 42E:

In LA they charge $12 in Calabasas to trim Tuco's nails, file his beak, and clip his wings.  Never had one incident.  The only place that will do all three, the avian vet up here, charges $45!!!  But there's a pet store that will do wings and nails for $5.  "Why not the beak?  you've already got him wrapped up right there?"   "oh no, we don't touch the beak, too dangerous"

Took him in, he was all kisses and Hiiiiii!!! charming everyone from inside his travel cage and a few people gathered around to watch "Isn't he cute!".  I said he's a little hard to handle.... The two women who do the work said oh we have 45 birds its no problem.  They tried to towel him, (wrap around everything except head and feet so they can clip) and he fought so hard they couldn't catch him in a 2x2 foot cage.  Then he fluttered out and escaped into the back stock room. 

I said maybe I better do it.  So we went into the back and I cornered and got him (I don't want him to associate this trauma with me, that's why I don't do it myself) handed him off to her, and he got his feet loose.  He tore up this woman's arms like they got shoved in a wood chipper.  His nails are like razors.   (I have to wear a sock on my arm when I carry him around  if he's not clipped for a while)

Tuco looking nuts

"Its okay! the woman says shakily, we do this all the time, it happens...." and I'm grimacing at all the blood and some of the watchers say god how can you keep a bird like that, do you ever get to let him out of his cage?  What a terror!  I said oh my god no-- to me he is a sweet little feathered cutie,

Tuco look of love

we sit together all day with him on the back of my chair, puts his head on my shoulder, he's bonded to one person.   When he feels threatened he protects me or himself.  And the clipping lady said yeah, the Amazons are known as the pit bulls of the bird world.... and I thought about it and said yeah, maybe she's right....the strength of his bite (they have something like 300lbs of bite pressure, more than a lot of bigger birds), his short temper, the protectiveness, the damage he can do.

So finally that was done and he's back on top of the cage seemingly settled down singing "La la la!!!" but it was his nervous singing and I see his eyes are pinpointing (he's saying very clearly "I will bite you") and a girl reaches over to pet him "he doesn't seem so bad now" and before I can say "Don't!" he chomps down on her arm and won't let go and shes screaming and shaking her arm I said "don't scream he loves it when you scream!"

I finally put him back in the cage and paid them $20 for the brutalisation.  Probably not welcome there anymore I would imagine.


Incident Report #507, Form 86G + special use of Team 6  McGyver Tactics:

I was jerryrigging Tuco's cage for the cold months with his electric heater and this tarp tent so we don't have to heat the whole house for the little skeezix.  I finished and went off to type on the computer, not noticing I left my sewing box on top of his cage, I come back later and see all the pins, metal, buttons, scattered all over the floor, the cage, and I think oh god, not this again:

So ever since the above picture I've had the local off hours emergency vet cel phone number in my phone so I dial it up and explain-- he says take away all his food immediately so if he did injest something it stays in his crop, its much easier to get out if its not pushed down in his stomach,  I ask are there some home remedies I can try?  "Yes, get some milk and something really sour like lemon juice and force it down his throat with a little eyedropper or something, he will feel sick and throw up, hopefully ridding  himself of anything he ate.

Well, I had no milk, no lemon, no eyedropper or anything similar.  So I got out yogurt, mixed it with some vinegar, and quickly unscrewed a ballpoint pen taking out the guts so it was hollow.  Got him in a towel with his little head sticking out and since I had to hold  him with two hands, I put the hollow pen in my mouth, sucked up the yogurt and vinegar so the pen was full, and everytime he opened his mouth to yell I spit it gently into his throat. 

It went everywhere, he was spitting and shaking his head, I was spitting and gagging, finally he looked so sick I let him go sit on his cage and he threw up a few minutes later.  Couldn't tell if he ate any metal, but the home remedy sure worked.

I stayed up all night watching him in terror, but he just sat there, sullen, covered in yogurt, probably so humiliated.   Next morning I gave him a shower and he was singing good morning to you and after that everything was fine.  GOD!!! I loved that vet I've got to go meet him.

Bareback at Greyback + First 'fall' off horse

I just happened to mention to my ONE friend Jamie at the ranch that I wished I could ride bareback like an Indian it must be so joyful....this was after a couple beers for us both--she says "come on. right now. we'll put you bareback on Bull."  They do put a "pad" on because its pretty uncomfortable to sit right on their spine (for them and the person) but there are no stirrups, nothing holding you on.  I said you gotta get this on video.  I told Jamie I really wanted to gallup (but "Canter"-- is really all you can do-- "run"  (not balls out cause there's not enough room to stop in this small arena)--have to keep the terms official) and she grimaced "just be prepared to fall off then, because I've never seen anyone here be able to do it.  Well, except me!" 

http://youtu.be/BaqfGEKWkzw

Jamie said if this was not on film no one at the ranch would believe that I cantered bareback-- especially being such a novice compared to them. No other woman (except Jamie) at this ranch has ever done it.  (Well listen I have to reveal that there's not a whole lot of athletic ability among these women to begin with but there are a few long time thin leathery veterans that should be able to, y'know?...) I slid off at the end but really I was just holding his mane as I started to tip off sideways and my feet slid down to the ground and I ended up standing next to his head.  I called it a "dismount" not a fall.  Ha ha.  It was FANTASTIC!!!  but I wished she would have stopped laughing and caught my "dismount" at the end.  Darn it!!!  She's fired as my videographer.  Don't you love how she's laughing not saying "oh my god are you okay?"  that's a new point I've reached in experience I think....

Thank you all

For your wonderful birthday wishes, but I'm sorry-- this one trumps them all from Brigid.  Absolutely suitable for framing in my bird room.

Thanks Brigid!!!!  Love it to death.  I'll have to either use it as my xmas card or simulate it in some fashion.  Peace and love, peace and love....

Tuco and his favorite Uncle Jerry