Near "worlds collide" Seinfeld moment.
For everyone who knows every word of dialogue and every interaction from every Seinfeld episode, you have to hear the latest run-in. I barely ever hear or see my neighbor, a supposed Vietnam Vet who has lived there for 18 years and never made a peep. Saw him a couple times disappearing into his duplex side without a shirt. Very pasty heavyset man. Just now I heard some loud bumps and crashes and thought --should I just sit here, or should I check if something is wrong?
Well the good samaritan in me came out so I went outside and saw the neighbor, putzing around with a weed whacker that broke, finally wearing a decent set of cabana clothes w shorts and a shirt, and I am wearing a green camo tshirt with asian printed pajama lounge pants.....I said hi is everything okay with you? I heard some bumps and crashes, wanted to see if you were okay. He replies "Oh I might have been in the bathroom..." (agggh yikes what?!)
I say uhhh... well, as long as you're okay. Hey by the way, do you have a bug problem over there? he says yeah pretty bad. I told him about my special hookup with this once a year exterminator etc etc. and if we could both agree to let them do the whole inside and out of both our sides we could get rid of all those f'ing roaches-- which by the way are now only appearing DEAD in my house but from the wall that separates us.... all the while I'm trying not to look at the grapefruit sized GOITER on his neck... he must have noticed and I'm just hoping I don't set him off with my camo tshirt... what if he has Korean war flashbacks of bad meat and kishkas...
He says well I can't do it right away because I'm having this operated on to take it out (as he points to the large ball hanging off his neck) he hesitates, they call it a....G.....G.....and I jump in "a goiter, yeah?" and he says yeah, Goiter, and its on my...... you know... the growth gland..."Your thyroid, huh?" Yeah and they took a sample and its not cancerous and I hadn't even noticed it until someone said something then I realized how big it had gotten and said I better get it seen by a doctor. I said who's going to pay for your surgery, it better be the government! and then I thought uh oh am I going to trigger a PTSD flashback saying that vehemently with my army shirt on!!??
I said okay, when I get back from India (where I will wear Timberlands to appear taller and never use the bathroom) then lets talk to Chuck (the landlord) and make him take care of it. Whats your name again? He says Alan. After I went back inside, I tried to think of a way to remember his name with a mnemonic device, as I never remember anyone's name. "Alan......Ball...... (one of my favorite directors) yeah Alan BALL on his neck" now I'll always remember.
Anyway, just so many Seinfeld references I had to put it all down. They were running through my head the instant our whole interaction started to go down.
"The Mahatma???"
"Its Kreplach!"
Cabana wear from Mr. Costanza
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