On the Verge of a Sweater

So I'm not usually inclined to write a blog about a cool sweater I bought because a) living in LA for 14 years you don't buy sweaters, and b) I haven't had a blog for that long.  Iris showed me the mall BEYOND the mall we always eat lunch. Its  simply called the "Kwai Chung Mall" and it is a little junky and loud and crazy like Lo-wu.  there are several AWESOME Korean design boutiques (whats better than a Korean designer in HK? Tell me and I'll go there) and check out the sweater I found-- people who really know me-- tell me this is not the best thing you've ever seen?  oh my god these Koreans are the best.
So check this out---

how could they capture me so well?

I'm staying at the "Cosmo" hotel in Mongkok and they never came up before in any of my kayak searches for good prices but this place is GREAT. 

Mongkok view by day from my Cosmo room

one window seat in bedroom and one in living space
I slept there the first two nights

Mongkok view from Cosmo window seat
I just laid there staring at this as I fell asleep-- so lucky

I feel so at home here, here and New York-- everyone's quick witted and fast and stylish and successful and it does't matter how old I am -- the Korean designers said "I like your boots"  I say "they're slippers!!" and show the bottom, they laugh and laugh.  I've asked everyone who comments if they know the "C list reality star in the US?--no one here has ever heard of Snookie--  which could work in my favor....

okay more later gots to sleep.

Love to all.......

Fidgets and Fairland

Oh joy in the land of nod, last week Jamie alerted me to "Cavalia" performing in Portland http://unrevedeliberte.cavalia.net/en/spectacle/apropos.aspx  and asked if I would be interested--  I almost fell off of my chaise when I saw the premise and the pics, oh my god of course lets go-- not thinking what the day before thanksgiving traffic between 12-6 pm might be on the 5 North....she said with traffic its not THAT bad even on Holidays...

But finally!  An event to attend that would warrant, nay, require that I dress up (in my mind), where I could wear something other than my bathrobe or thrift store horse riding mud clothes.  We purchased VIP seats very close which included our own VIP open bar lounge and hot hors d'oeuvres beginning 90 minutes before and after the show (so it would begin at 6:30) and included tour of the stables and to meet the performers both equine and human, and away from those slatternly commoners!

VIP open bar and buffet

So we were going to wear the base parts of our outfits in the car and to save time, assemble the rest of the finery in a loungey fancy bathroom ladies couch type area that I imagined such a ticket price would call for, (or even a heated indoor parking structure would suffice--this is how I imagined it with my ever-rose colored contacts.)  I brought all my jewelry, the fixings and wanted to dress like I was going to the Met or Lincoln center (but modified to be my rock, equine, thrift version) and attend fully the pre-party eating shrimp and sipping on champagne.  Well, 7 hours into a 3.5 hour drive we arrived at 7:20 and rushed to change in the rocky ice cold outdoor VIP parking lot. 

I pulled on my floor length black cowhide hair maxi skirt that weighs about 5 lbs, took off my pants underneath, and switched from rubber boots to my own version of punky equestrian footwear, changed handbags, ready!

floor length cowhide full skirt 5 lbs weight-- I dropped
 the belt for simplicity and handbag only for elegance

Dubya Dubya I soldier spats w nude Tsubo mary jane platforms

 Lurex thrift sweater w pseudo military equestrian jacket-
dumped that too-- over doing it.

Anyway, we figured we would start flowing over with tears the second the house lights went down -- so we pulled out our tissue packs and put them on our laps.  If you can believe it, never needed them.  First, the music was that awful generic blah I don't even know how to describe it, had no emotion, then it was the arrogance of some of those little french men with long thinning hair and lots of overgesticulating implying "TA DA!  LOOK AT ME!  I AM THE BEST LOOKING ONE IN THE TROUPE!"  Which he was, but that wasn't saying much.
The show was "good"-- I could have used more horses, fewer overly expressive french Canadian fidget acrobats filling time in between horse segments-- they were probably the group that did not make the cut for the Vegas Cirques.....there were a couple bobbles and one fall.

Even the horses had their bad nights, one of the stallions was acting up nipping and biting at his neighbor and in one of his solo acts in the ring, they had to add a girl in the center ring to keep control of him.

They did a drill pinwheel just like we practice on the ranch team and, uhhhhh, now that I know what its supposed to look like, we've got a long way to go.  Its not the speed, which we try to push, its the precision and matching horses and outfits.  soooo beautiful.

Pinwheel

Roman style riding segment was awesome, very rare, small segment of the horse trick world I hear. I like this shot  for the almost good panning job. I should have taken more pictures, I didn't realize they would come out this well without flash so I stopped.  Anyway, Jamie wanted more video of the horse segments that she can incorporate into our drill maneuvers.

Here's this wild redhead roman style

standing one leg on two horses with reigns on 4!!!! 

Afterwards Jamie sought this girl out backstage in the stables, she is so driven to do stuff like this that she just had to connect with this girl (Fairland Ferguson, she's all over the internet)-- which she did of course, she's a mover and a shaker. 

That firecracker redhead rider Fairland Ferguson showing us the special equipment
 for their trick riding-- turns out she's just a real friendly "Sowth Carolahna" gal

The troupe has time off --- almost the whole month of December, she said she just broke up with her boyfriend, yadda yadda, and without planning it the conversation turned to-- why don't you come to GP for a couple days-- out at our stables the people would just FLIP if you came out to do a demo or something, people would come from miles around--they would PAY.  I pipe in without thinking-- I have a nice guest bedroom you could stay in.  whaa?!  So Jamie is going to see if she can make it happen.

Good times, good times, but I would only go if it was "in your town"-- I don't think I would drive that far to see it if I was you.

 

Keeping up with the Equestrians

A certain friend of mine who shall remain nameless (Kara) says I keep telling her about all my fabulous equestrian getup's but she has not seen any photographic evidence of ONE yet.  So I better document each new outfit.

Turtleneck Ross $6.99
Thrift Wool blazer $2.50
Thrift Canvas military belt $2
Thrift Small plaid pattern pants chopped off with scissors at the knee $3
Suede Half Chaps $25
Thrift boots $5

Half chaps or "Chapettes" are hot!!!
I tried putting them over all kinds of shoes and sandals
and wedges and they give this futuristic
awesome bizarre super style look.  Get some girls.
 Jack the old cowboy called them "chinks" the other day,
western cowboys look down on such attire.

Tuco "Incidents"

Incident Report #506, Form 42E:

In LA they charge $12 in Calabasas to trim Tuco's nails, file his beak, and clip his wings.  Never had one incident.  The only place that will do all three, the avian vet up here, charges $45!!!  But there's a pet store that will do wings and nails for $5.  "Why not the beak?  you've already got him wrapped up right there?"   "oh no, we don't touch the beak, too dangerous"

Took him in, he was all kisses and Hiiiiii!!! charming everyone from inside his travel cage and a few people gathered around to watch "Isn't he cute!".  I said he's a little hard to handle.... The two women who do the work said oh we have 45 birds its no problem.  They tried to towel him, (wrap around everything except head and feet so they can clip) and he fought so hard they couldn't catch him in a 2x2 foot cage.  Then he fluttered out and escaped into the back stock room. 

I said maybe I better do it.  So we went into the back and I cornered and got him (I don't want him to associate this trauma with me, that's why I don't do it myself) handed him off to her, and he got his feet loose.  He tore up this woman's arms like they got shoved in a wood chipper.  His nails are like razors.   (I have to wear a sock on my arm when I carry him around  if he's not clipped for a while)

Tuco looking nuts

"Its okay! the woman says shakily, we do this all the time, it happens...." and I'm grimacing at all the blood and some of the watchers say god how can you keep a bird like that, do you ever get to let him out of his cage?  What a terror!  I said oh my god no-- to me he is a sweet little feathered cutie,

Tuco look of love

we sit together all day with him on the back of my chair, puts his head on my shoulder, he's bonded to one person.   When he feels threatened he protects me or himself.  And the clipping lady said yeah, the Amazons are known as the pit bulls of the bird world.... and I thought about it and said yeah, maybe she's right....the strength of his bite (they have something like 300lbs of bite pressure, more than a lot of bigger birds), his short temper, the protectiveness, the damage he can do.

So finally that was done and he's back on top of the cage seemingly settled down singing "La la la!!!" but it was his nervous singing and I see his eyes are pinpointing (he's saying very clearly "I will bite you") and a girl reaches over to pet him "he doesn't seem so bad now" and before I can say "Don't!" he chomps down on her arm and won't let go and shes screaming and shaking her arm I said "don't scream he loves it when you scream!"

I finally put him back in the cage and paid them $20 for the brutalisation.  Probably not welcome there anymore I would imagine.


Incident Report #507, Form 86G + special use of Team 6  McGyver Tactics:

I was jerryrigging Tuco's cage for the cold months with his electric heater and this tarp tent so we don't have to heat the whole house for the little skeezix.  I finished and went off to type on the computer, not noticing I left my sewing box on top of his cage, I come back later and see all the pins, metal, buttons, scattered all over the floor, the cage, and I think oh god, not this again:

So ever since the above picture I've had the local off hours emergency vet cel phone number in my phone so I dial it up and explain-- he says take away all his food immediately so if he did injest something it stays in his crop, its much easier to get out if its not pushed down in his stomach,  I ask are there some home remedies I can try?  "Yes, get some milk and something really sour like lemon juice and force it down his throat with a little eyedropper or something, he will feel sick and throw up, hopefully ridding  himself of anything he ate.

Well, I had no milk, no lemon, no eyedropper or anything similar.  So I got out yogurt, mixed it with some vinegar, and quickly unscrewed a ballpoint pen taking out the guts so it was hollow.  Got him in a towel with his little head sticking out and since I had to hold  him with two hands, I put the hollow pen in my mouth, sucked up the yogurt and vinegar so the pen was full, and everytime he opened his mouth to yell I spit it gently into his throat. 

It went everywhere, he was spitting and shaking his head, I was spitting and gagging, finally he looked so sick I let him go sit on his cage and he threw up a few minutes later.  Couldn't tell if he ate any metal, but the home remedy sure worked.

I stayed up all night watching him in terror, but he just sat there, sullen, covered in yogurt, probably so humiliated.   Next morning I gave him a shower and he was singing good morning to you and after that everything was fine.  GOD!!! I loved that vet I've got to go meet him.

Bareback at Greyback + First 'fall' off horse

I just happened to mention to my ONE friend Jamie at the ranch that I wished I could ride bareback like an Indian it must be so joyful....this was after a couple beers for us both--she says "come on. right now. we'll put you bareback on Bull."  They do put a "pad" on because its pretty uncomfortable to sit right on their spine (for them and the person) but there are no stirrups, nothing holding you on.  I said you gotta get this on video.  I told Jamie I really wanted to gallup (but "Canter"-- is really all you can do-- "run"  (not balls out cause there's not enough room to stop in this small arena)--have to keep the terms official) and she grimaced "just be prepared to fall off then, because I've never seen anyone here be able to do it.  Well, except me!" 

http://youtu.be/BaqfGEKWkzw

Jamie said if this was not on film no one at the ranch would believe that I cantered bareback-- especially being such a novice compared to them. No other woman (except Jamie) at this ranch has ever done it.  (Well listen I have to reveal that there's not a whole lot of athletic ability among these women to begin with but there are a few long time thin leathery veterans that should be able to, y'know?...) I slid off at the end but really I was just holding his mane as I started to tip off sideways and my feet slid down to the ground and I ended up standing next to his head.  I called it a "dismount" not a fall.  Ha ha.  It was FANTASTIC!!!  but I wished she would have stopped laughing and caught my "dismount" at the end.  Darn it!!!  She's fired as my videographer.  Don't you love how she's laughing not saying "oh my god are you okay?"  that's a new point I've reached in experience I think....

Thank you all

For your wonderful birthday wishes, but I'm sorry-- this one trumps them all from Brigid.  Absolutely suitable for framing in my bird room.

Thanks Brigid!!!!  Love it to death.  I'll have to either use it as my xmas card or simulate it in some fashion.  Peace and love, peace and love....

Tuco and his favorite Uncle Jerry

Triumphed over my first bucking

Remember the rock star Rocky and how I dreamed to ride him but he's a bit "green". First day, would not do what i asked. Second Day-- did half of what i asked.  Third day was like a dream, even taught him some new things like "back up"  and  "step to the side" (for drill)  but oh.....don't get lulled into complacency..

we were almost done for the evening and Jack went by with the hay truck and Rocky got upset that he passed him by snorted and danced around a bit and bucked ALL the way up.  Jamie was behind me she said it wasn't just some small impatient buck--his feet were high above his withers-- like this!

I grabbed his mane with all my might and squeezed my legs (I've been doing lots of pliets

to keep the inner thighs really strong) and I held on!

Everyone came running "oh my god, marni are you alright"?  jesus that was a big one!!  Oh I thought you were a goner for sure, that was massive!  Jamie punished him immediately taking him round and round galloping til he was sweating so he learns not to to that.

She doesn't often give me any compliments about my riding but she says Gimme a high five for staying on that one, wow!

Except for breaking some of my acrylic nails in the middle of my nail bed and bleeding, thats a small price to pay instead of head first into a metal gate!!  The thing was, since I didn't see how high he went, i assumed it was just an impatient buck, it didn't even feel that wild to me.

So he was saving it all up for the end being very good throughout and then WHAMMO!!!!!  But it didn't make me nervous or scared to ride him, which i thought would have happened, we cooled down with a few rounds around the arena and all was  fine.  Whew!!!  Maybe that was his one last big test -- he was testing me the other times to see what he could get away with  If he couldnt get me off with that buck, maybe I passed his tests....

Post bucking

Sneak Peek @ Marni Jewelry from India

Double Gold metal goddess bracelet

Starting with a VERY small collection, just a test.  but everytime they made a new sample, I grabbed it and had to wear it home every night and match my outfit to it the next day.
All my friends will be receiving the line sheets and you choose your free sample, and help me promote by telling where to buy or if someone inquires, would carry in their showroom.  I think I'll put them on Etsy first just so anyone can buy quickly, and also help judge the retails.  but you fashionista guys can help me with that.

Single glass Goddess spice bracelet

As with most things "they look better ON"

Single Turqoise glass goddess bracelet

Double Bone Goddess Bracelet

Is this a joke?

I don't know if you remember my post about donut holes and bacon, but check this out-- its almost  more than I can take!  And at Albertson's too!  (However I did wonder what it tasted like.)  But since India I can't eat meat.

If you want to hurry your death along quicker

Ghetto Grocery throw down

Here I was all let down that blah blah back in dull old Oregon where nothing ever happens (well, mostly its because I never shower or leave my house.)

But today I was on my way to meet my only friend Jamie out at the stables in Murphy, because she judged I was finally ready to ride "Rocky"-- this rock star horse I am in love with, because he's a little "green" and you have to be a little bit more experienced before riding him.  He has been my goal since I started my lessons.  Jamie owns him so only she can say when.  Jack the grizzled ranch owner told her he doesn't think I'm ready for him-- Jamie said well I know she is.

Look how beautiful!  And what a personality. 
He's tall, has rock star hair, and a Joker.

Back to the throwdown buildup-- I stopped at Ray's Food Place in Murphy-- and I LOVE Ray's because there's one right by my house and its SUPER ghetto and no one would ever care what I looked like and/or I would NEVER run into anyone from my ex-workplace. You know-- like you can never go to rocknroll Ralphs in Hollywood unless you are looking HOT. this is the opposite.

Thought I'd always be safe at Ghetto Rays

I open my trunk to get out my "Rays Food Place" reusable bags (more proof I'm a consistent and loyal repeat local customer) preparing to go in to buy a 6 pack of tall boy Budweisers for my customary after-horse-ride lounge on the porch with the cowboys, and I hear a man yell loud in a nasty shout "HEY.  WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM AND TAKE 10 MORE WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH."

[I add this comment later because people didn't seem to understand why he yelled in the first place, I was parked in the row in front of him with my California plates w blacked out windows.....]

I looked around to see who was being yelled at, never thinking it could be me, and here's a guy in a big white pickup looking at me-- those kind with double back wheels, over compensating, and I point to myself, "me?"

"Yeah you you fucking bitch, YOU!, ruining it for everyone here, why don't you just get the fuck OUT!!!"

I didn't say a word, marched right up to his open window (hoping he didn't expect that!) "Listen, take your complaint down to Fire Mountain Gems-- your own people-- they HIRED me and PAID me to come here!"

"You and your frou frou shops have made this place disgusting"

"Well, shopping at Ray's ain't 'frou frou' shopping."

"Well.... yeah but everything was fine until people like you started coming up here"

"And when was that?  30 years ago?  Everyone I meet has come from California at some time.  You don't know me, I support all the local shops, I only buy local goods if I can get them, I'm heading right now to the stables to pay them and support their horses! I pay taxes here and spend money so people have jobs here"

Running out of arguments he says "DO YOU WANT ME TO SPIT IN YOUR FACE!?"

"WOW!!  I ALMOST CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE SUCH A  FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

"IF YOU DON'T GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW I WILL SPIT IN YOUR FACE"

Who knows he really might, so before I walk away "Oh my god this is unbelievable --and with the most rage and vitriol I could conjure up--  FUCK YOU!"

"Yeah I wouldn't even want to skank, you fucking whore, bitch, WHORE!!! fuck you and get the hell out of here!!!"

I ignore, go in, get my beer and ice, and make sure he sees what I am putting in my trunk when I come back out.  He has another guy with him who came up to me in the store and said "Sorry if my friend rubbed you the wrong way....."

"HAH!!! I BLURT IN HIS FACE.  RUBBED ME THE WRONG WAY!?  ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?  THERE ARE NO ALTERNATIVE WAYS TO INTERPRET WHAT  HE SAID.  FUCK YOU TOO."  He didn't fight back.

When I drove out past his truck I waved a huge wave out my window obnoxiously and smiled a bit toothy grin and he just sat there seething.

I told the story to my cowboy friends at the stables and they were shocked-- "Next time, you send them right down here, we'll knock him straight that's for DAMN sure"

And one of the women said "yeah I heard that the first thing you should do before  you even come here is get your Oregon plates"  "We apologize for people like him, and remember, this is Murphy you know..."

Whooooooo!  I am still all fired up about it. If I was quicker mentally I would have taken his license plate and slashed his tires next time I saw the truck.

Is it just me?

 So that's two times now in the last couple weeks I've had to save dogs from dying in a hot car.  do you guys ever have to do this?  I mean, is it just me?  what is it with people?  yesterday I caused a big scene at the nail salon-- I finally found a salon that had all Vietnamese staff (ahhh...felt so much more natural than white people--so pleasant, welcoming and talented.) I'm waiting for my appointment "you picka culllah missy" and the lady sitting in the pedicure seat next to me says to her pedicurist "oh i'm taking care of my friends dog this week and I would never have a dog but its so fun for a week, she loves to ride in the car, but I'm just a little worried cause she's out there now" --- Its 88 degrees, full sun asphalt parking lot with no trees. she points to the car right outside the door.  the male pedicurist says "you have windows open?" "no, she's fine, it was cool in there when I left a little while ago"  (a gasp from the other workers) another working lady "you leave the car running with a/c?"  "no, but she's lying on the floorboards and there's water there for her" Gasps and shaking heads from workers and customers but no one's doing anything.  I whirl around--now I have to jump in loudly "LADY, its 150 plus degrees in a car within several minutes.  Your dog is going to die.  she says snootily "No, like i said, it was cool in there when I left"  I said more loudly-- I'm calling the police right now if you don't get that dog out of the car.   Wouldn't it be terrible if your friend came back and finds out you killed her darling tiny baby by leaving her in a hot car?  you are unbelievable!!!"

The staff says "its okay, bring her inside, we don't want her to die!!!!" so she reluctantly stomps out to get the cutest little white groomed dog with a ribbon in her hair, so you know this dog is the joy of the owners life who dotes on her and would probably kill herself if her dog died at someone else's hands like that.  the dog didn't stop panting for about 20 minutes inside.  I wrote down the lady's license plate, I want to find this friend to tell her how her "friend" takes care of her dog for the week.  AND, by the way, where was John Quinones?  I thought for sure he would come out and pat me on the back and say "Marni, what compelled you to take up so strongly for this dog???"-- they always set those shows in nail salons.

The other episode was outside a grocery store-- HUGE white ratty full coat Pyrenees lying prone in the back of a junked out hoarder type station wagon-- windows cracked, but it was high 80's full sun.  the dog is panting and suffering.

. 

I walk into the front of the store yelling "WHO'S CAR IS THIS WITH THE BIG WHITE DOG IN IT????" and some cracked out Rumpelstiltskin character just standing near the front says "thats mine lady and he is fine, trust me."  "No, he is not fine, you need to turn on the a/c or get him out of there -- maybe tie him over by a shady tree"  and he's getting more mad "Lady, mind your business, he's my dog and I'll take care of him"  (I'm about to take one of the stacked logs of firewood outside the store and bash his window in.)  "If you don't do something within minutes I'm calling the police for animal neglect and cruelty, I'm sure you don't want THAT on your rap sheet do you?"  (thinking he must have a rap sheet already, ha HA!")  and as I hear grumble grumble from him, I walk outside and stand next to his car, dialing the police.  now he comes out and says you are one pushy fuckin' bitch.  fuck you. and drives away.

Fuck me?  Fuck YOU!

LAPD looking THX

I don't know if the LAPD got new uniforms for 2011 or what, but tonight on the way home from work I witnessed some poor sucker getting a speeding ticket, and the cop, whoa!  I had to do a double triple take, he kept his helmet on (it covers his whole face) as he talked to the driver, he was SO THX-1138!    All trim and black and shiny metal. 

The future is here.



hey Marni! It's me, Bobby!

New Years Eve at Vitello's in Studio City, Marni was spotted by a former "regular". This guy really loves a hot blonde! Loves to KILL them, that is! Watch out, Marni. He's still a "little rascal"!

New Years Resolution

After a lengthy consultation with my physician (Federico Feelgood, MD), I have been given the go-ahead to start a special diet aimed at "getting me out of my rut".

I hope to gain zero pounds.

(marni)

Bacon & Donut Holes