Like I mentioned, In past subway rides once or twice a month in LA, I hadn't experienced the wonderful daily dose like I had in NYC, now it seems its quite common in the underground world.
After work, way home, on the platform. I hear some loud grumblings, ok, here's the next one. I stand looking straight ahead, SWEARING I won't do one single thing to catch his eye or attract him to me. However, I am wearing a neck to toe black straight dress with 6 inch platform sandals that make me 6'4", with my rodeo arm bands in suede black fringe, and huge concho black and silver belt that is about 6 inches wide. So okay, I'm not blending in.
A very attractive-faced man actually, except of course for dirty clothes, greasy dirty blonde longish hair, and bad overgrown grey beard, came stumbling toward me mumbling, right up into my face, not randomly, not turning to whomever was nearest, he made his way from the end of the platform all the way to the middle, the entire time fixated on coming at me. What am I gonna do? I look at him. He says "Yeah? I'll take 'em into the bathroom, beat the shit out of them"
"Who?" I answer calmly.
"The bitches. Are YOU a bitch?"
"I'm being pleasant enough to you, aren't I? You know, you look a little bit like Matthew McConaughey."
"Fuck!" and he walks away. Comes back behind me.
Says to an awkward young teen Latino goth with a weak chin --"Well? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!"
I whirled and said to him "Stop being MEAN to everyone. You're not going to make any friends that way..."
"Fuck!!!" he says again and walks away.
Again, the looks, the whispers, the snorts, the twitters, people looking at me smirking with laughs....why is this crazy puta bitch even communicating with this maniac?"
The train comes and we all get on except Matthew-- he either stayed or got in another car.
I hoped selfishly for a "thanks" from the weak chin, but he didn't even look at me the whole ride home. Oh well. There was one guy that looked like LL Cool J that glanced at me a couple times, he knew what I did. That was enough for me. So craving acknowledgement. Just like the mentals!
I have learned from experience that ignoring is what drives them even crazier, like they don't exist, like no one even notices them or acknowledges they are alive, like they're invisible. this I think is more torturing to the mentally ill than having an exchange, any exchange. even if its negative....at least they can feel they exist in the world. Maybe that's why their comments become more and more violent, more upsetting, to TRY to be acknowledged that they DO exist and you see them... sad.-
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